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Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

Dasani: French For ‘Full Of Shit’

Remember back before we being environmentally friendly was the only thing we cared about? Life wasn’t perfect then and I am sure there was some other fad that everyone in the fucking world was getting their panties in a bunch for, but fuck if I can remember it.

Anyway, since it’s no longer kosher to drink bottled water because it makes Mother Earth’s uterus hurt, I’m drinking bottled water. Never did before, still think its gay, but its less gay than having people think I care about the environment because I am drinking tap water from a glass that I wash.

Anyway again, I am on the pot chugging and reading a Dasani bottle, and my asshole clenches shut in anger. My reaction to marketing material and racist propaganda are usually exactly opposites from everyone else’s. Racist propaganda cracks me up and marketing material enrages me.

That Dasani bottle was no exception. What a load of grade A, country fried horse shit.

Its like they think they can just put keywords together in a nonsensical fashion and our brains will not put them together to form sentences, but will instead focus on the individual words and get all romantic for how great their product is. No you fucking Dasani idiots, that’s not how it works.

And I quote from the bottle: “Enahnced with minerals for a pure, fresh taste”. Not only are these fucks putting additives in their product, they are spinning it to make it sound like those additives make it pure. You can’t add something to something else and make the first something more pure. You’ve diluted both somethings and by defintion that’s the opposite of purification.

Unless those minerals are made of only 2 hydrogen atoms and 1 oxygen atom then you are making it less pure you shitfucks.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.