porkjerky plogArchive for May, 2009
Google Leech
I figured my nuts had healed enough, so I decided to slam them in the internet once again. I had an idea for what would be an excellent shitty blog and wanted to see if it existed. My theory is that any crappy idea for a shitty blog that I can dream up, odds are […]
Humanity’s Crapacity
Ok, I’ve done a lot to advance the knowledge of microcrapology, letting everyone calculate how much they shit in a day, week, month etc. Now, let’s take it to the next level. We’re going macro. Specifically, current daily macro–How much shit does the current human population of the Earth produce each day? Of course, to […]
Blogger Jihad
There are so many similarities: No cure, a consequence of being gay, sent here by god as a punishment for mankind’s sins. And now I just found another one. Like AIDS, no one can identify a definitive starting point for blogging. I had the ammonia nitrate all packed. I disassembled my kitchen timer to make […]
Baby Placebos
Whenever I am out taking the dog for a shit in someone else’s yard and pass a couple, both of whom are over 30, and they are walking more than 1 dog, I always try to figure out which one is infertile. Its got to be her. The bitch has ribbons on, the male has […]
Activia, Now With More Scam
For millions of years unenlightened people have been squatting around like imbeciles, never realizing they should be more proactive in controlling their bowels. Like idiots, past generations thought it would be fine to just leave it up to nature to decide when they shit. Never even thinking that they should force bacteria into their system […]
Polyanusism
I would much rather have 5 assholes than 2 appendices. Come on that’s a no brainer. 1. An appendix is gut candy, belly dressing. It does nothing. B. Strike that, it does do something and it’s a bad thing. The only confirmed purpose it serves is to get infected and threaten your life. […]
Opening Day
Message to the Team Porkjerky.com Shitters (you know who you are): Oh yeah, it’s a good day to be pounding some porcelain. Let’s put in a good workout today team. I know I know, I like to jump ass first onto the toilet like everyone else, but we need to properly warm up. I don’t […]
The World’s Most Beautiful Turd
I love people who complain about how things that have made life easier and better screwed up and worked just like they were suppose to. They get mad because a piece of technology that is programmed to respond in the exact same way every time, responded in the exact same way it does every time. […]
Down Shit Creek
Where do my piss and shit go? I understand the theory: when I get around to it and flush the toilet my poop and pee snake through my house on a stream of water, through pipes and out to the sewer and then to some waste treatment center in the poor part of town. But […]
Divine Copyright Infringement
Its really a god damn shame that the bible has entered the public domain. Now, and don’t put this past me, any fuck can print, copy, rewrite, publish and sell bibles without legal recourse from Matthew, John, Paul, Ringo or even god himself. It’s in the public domain, its free for the infringing. Use it […]
