porkjerky plogArchive for April, 2009
The Speed Of Shit
Good news boys and girls, its time for another edition of the shitty applications of science. Today’s subject: the speed of shit. Is it faster than a speeding bullet? Quicker than a (insert your favorite ethnic slur here) in a (insert place that ethnicity doesn’t like to be)? More speedy than a bolt of lightning, […]
Encylocpedic Shit
What kind of hubris does it take to be the guy who writes the Wikipedia article on ‘shit’? Or god forbid someone who came along later, read it, found errors or omissions that were so glaring in it that it inspired them to edit it? Or worse still, the unwitty fuck who thought they could […]
Science Fair Blogging Project
Purpose: To see how many times in the history of blogging it has got someone laid. Hypothesis: Not once, in the history of the internet has a guy gotten pussy because of his blog. Procedures: Google exact phrases that would verify someone has gotten laid/blown because of their blog. Then, verify each returned citation by […]
The Poop Paradox
Not to get all metaphiloshitical on you, but what is a turd? Are there 4 pieces of crap in the toilet? Or just one? If 4, then who’s to stop me from breaking those turds down into further turds? Don’t fucking dare me. If you look closely you will see each of the four dooks […]
Celebrity Scat
Even with the economy in the shitter. Even with the inability to verify it. Even with the laws against it and the policies prohibiting it. I am certain people would figuratively eat up celebritys’ literal shit. You’re telling me some fat bitch in Ottumwa, IA who reads Us Weekly while watching QVC all day when […]
Eureka
So, it turns out I’m still a fucking genius. How many of the world’s great ideas do you think were conceived on the toilet? My guess is that the crapper is the leading place and shitting the leading activity for inspiring brilliance. Uh oh, now my brilliance is inspiring me to be brilliant about inspiring […]
Godly Lip Service
Which is worse, me photoshopping a turd onto a cross replacing Christ or all these fucks who go to church only on Easter and Christmas? Is intentional or unintentional blasphemy worse? If I were the head of a religion I think I would find people who pretended to agree with me when it was convenient […]
TGIGF
Happy Stick Jesus On A Stick Day Remember to not eat meat and to color eggs to hide. It’s what Jesus would have done.
89th Post Spectacular
Not just hell yeah, hell fuck yeah. Today is my 89th blog post spectacular. I’m letting it all hang out, having a celebratory crap and patting my self on the back. A lot of you fucks thought I was full of shit just figuratively, pooh-poohing on my dream of cataloging all my crap in 2009. […]
Shitty Blog Award, Number Something Or Other
Yesterday, after my vocabulary was expanded, I spent the day trying to think of phrases so that I could use my new favorite word everyday for the rest of my life. Don’t have a labiaplasty man. This is as awkward as foreskin at a labiaplasty. Labiaplastastic! …so, I pumped her twice and gave her a […]
