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Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

Motivations Of An Ass Doctor

What’s a nigger gots to do to get some credibility up in this shit blog?

Try as I might to get an expert to weigh in on something shitty (DNA testing dog shit, link exchanging with a spam site, non-traditional gardening, etc.), they never respond or think I am kidding.

The same thing happened in my quest to find out what causes a man to become a proctologist (I know what you are thinking, but you’re wrong, a proctologist is an actual medical doctor, the best a lady could hope to become is a butt nurse), I was again rebuffed by everyone I tried to solicit a story from.

So, again I am left to my own genius and deep insight into the human psyche for determining why a person wants to make a profession of fingering other people’s buttholes. Below are answers I made up in response to the email I sent out to various proctologists I found asking them why they became a proctologist:

• I’ve always been fascinated with assholes, ever since I got my first one when I was 7.
• An impacted bowel killed my father. I promised him on his deathbead that I would avenge his death, never sleeping until I found, dislodged and exacted revenge on the piece of shit that killed him.
• Pussy. Chicks love asshole doctors.
• Scott Fucking Norwood. The only thing I was into more than the Buffalo Bills was drinking and gambling. Horrible, horrible combination. Long story short, I lose a huge bet on Super Bowl XXV to a friend with a mean sense of humor and I have been probing poopers ever since.
• I’m not really a proctologist per se. Its just my day gig until this band thing takes off.
• I guess you could say assholes are in my blood. My father fixed rectums, my father’s father bandaged buttholes, my father’s father’s father doctored dookie chutes, and so on and so on all the way back to my great great great grandfather who used leeches on George Washington’s ass in 1782.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.