porkjerky plogArchive for April, 2009
This Day In Shitory
Happy Cut And Run Day everyone. Remember to put a foreign-made, American flag, magnetic ribbon on your car and to spit on a 60-year old vet for being conscripted.
The Real Swine Flu Epidemic
I hate to keep raping a dead horse, but I just stumbled upon something terrifying about swine flu. Its growth rate is alarming, look at these numbers: 3 years ago: 3 cases 1 year ago: 62 cases 1 month ago: 1,634 cases 1 week ago: 10,278 cases 1 day ago: […]
Status Quo Poo
Good news, turns out not only was I wrong about my shit being a telltale sign that I have the pestilence du jour, but that shit wasn’t actually fresh. I forgot to immediately take a picture and ambled off to do whatever it is I do in that post-shitting, euphoria induced state we all get […]
Whats My Poopnosis?
Oh christfuck almighty. I’m not a normally a hypochondriac, but since 99.85% of the population currently has it, I just know I am going to get it also. And the from the looks of things, I already do. Tell it to me straight, that’s a swine flu turd isn’t it? Look at how it turns […]
Motivations Of An Ass Doctor
What’s a nigger gots to do to get some credibility up in this shit blog? Try as I might to get an expert to weigh in on something shitty (DNA testing dog shit, link exchanging with a spam site, non-traditional gardening, etc.), they never respond or think I am kidding. The same thing happened in […]
A Representative Blog
Congratulations John Rigby, Connecticut’s 63rd Assembly District Representative. Your blog is such an awesomely shitty blog, it should be put on display in the Smithsonian so that the American people can come and learn from it for generations to come. It’s a national treasure and a testament to our politicians’ abilities to follow through. Grab […]
Ass Placebo
How many lives do you think those paper toilet seat protectors have saved? You know the kind people meticulously layout over a public toilet seat before they squat there prissy little ass down to take a shit? I’m guessing it has to be at least 3 billion. And that’s just this millennium. Its a medical […]
Proctology Apology
I really think proctologists get the shit end of the respect stick. Take that horrible pun for example. It’s so easy to make fun of them, people don’t realize that they are way up there on the doctor list. We can’t get past the surface jokes of what they do. They experience the exact opposite […]
Just My Luck
I thought that was just another of my grandfather’s boring WWII sayings. Like, ‘as the crow flies’ or ‘pert-near’ or ‘and if a frog had wings it wouldn’t bump its ass when it hops’ or ‘built like a brick shit house’ or ‘tell anyone what I made you do and I will fucking kill you. […]
Lyrics To A Simpler Time
In my teens, I once crapped in a paper bag The ingredients of a great prank I had Toss, burn, smear, and/or bake A choice I couldn’t make And, that’s why, today, my attic smells so bad.
