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Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

And God Said, Let There Be Hair On Assholes

Ok, by now you’ve figured out how I know I have a hairy asshole and how I know how it stacks up to others’. Now on to the real philosophical question raised by hairy assholes.

Why?

If you’re a creationist, then life’s simple (real fucking simple). God put hair on our assholes—that’s all you need to know. Do not question. Do not try to understand. He obviously has a higher purpose for the follicles on our shit shafts, one that we need not understand. Maybe the time he spent coiffing our poop chutes could have been better used giving us an immune system resistant to A.I.D.S. and Cancer and Tuberculosis and any of the thousands of disease, disorders and syndromes we get. Or here’s a novel idea, not even create A.I.D.S. and Cancer and Tuberculosis or any of the thousands of diseases we get in the first place fuckhead. But no, creationism, compassionate god; good idea. The math definitely checks out on that one.

Again, hairy assholes like T.B., A.I.D.S., Eskimos and Cancer, is his will. Do not question, just accept. Case closed for creationists.

An evolutionary view of the world, however, makes the whole hairy asshole issue even hairier, so to speak. Not only do you have to answer why did nature allow us to evolve with hair on our shitters, you have to ask if the hair is coming or going? Are butt sphincters getting more or less hairy as time goes on? Or maybe, nature has allowed us to develop the perfect amount of hair there and human assholes have remained unchanged for the last million years because our silky sphincters reached the pinnacle of performance.

Unfortunately my great grandfather passed away before my asshole blossomed so bountifully and the question was raised in my mind. So, all I have is 3 generations of asshole hairiness to use. After much deliberation, analysis, complex mathematical equations and peering at mine, my pappy’s and my pappy’s pappy’s poopers, there is just not enough data to support any hypothesis conclusively.

So, in the end, the third panel of my poster board science experiment, the one where my conclusion should go, is blank. I have no clue.

My hairy asshole will continue to boggle my mind (insert your unwitty joke here).

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.