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Screwed By The Blood Of Jesus Christ

I am a dick in general. Oh, I talk a good game, write about dumbfucks and idiotards and stupid asses and retards and on and on and on. I even created an epithet generator to help others find the appropriate term to use on people they dislike. I make gratuitous, physically impossible, idle threats to people and groups of people in general. Occasionally, when warranted, I will email a specific person or organization and tell them why they suck.

But specifically, I’m really not such a douche. I’m like your racist great aunt. Oh she talks about how coloreds are ruining the world. How she keeps a nigger-knocker underneath her bed for protection. Retells stories from the news about black criminals in the area. And goes on and on about how a new batch of them moved in two blocks over and the neighborhood is going to shit.

But she’s just a racist in general. She never points to a specific black person she knows and tells you she hates them or even demonstrates it. In fact, all the specific black people she has ever met, she likes. She’ll tell you about the nice black man who helped carry her grocery bags to her car. How the black family down the street just had a new daughter and she’s cute as a button. Or how she gave a ride home to a black lady she just meet at church. She can never cites a specific black person she knows and dislikes. She just doesn’t like them in general.

That’s me. In general I am a prick. I have no trouble grouping people together and hating them ensemble. However, in specific, I give people the benefit of the doubt and actually do decent things. In real life the only people I am a prick to are pricks themselves, and then only when they warrant it.

Case in point; today I was walking my dog around 8 p.m. and see a car with its dome light on. I’ve been made a fool by these cars before so I walked past it, wait to see if it automatically dims after a couple seconds. It didn’t. So I being the specific nice guy I am, I go to the house it’s parked outside to let the owners know so the battery doesn’t drain overnight.

Or so I attempted. I get there, extend my index finger to ring the bell and notice it’s gone. The button holder’s there, but with a hole in the middle—the button itself was removed. It wasn’t a hovel with everything about the house in disarray. No, it seemed the doorbell had been purposely removed. Weird. I raise my arm, start to knock, but stop myself 2 inches from hitting the door. There was sign.

It was a whole sheet of paper with black ink. It said:

I wanted to think they were kidding, especially because of the blood of Christ non-sequitor, but I couldn’t give them the benefit of the doubt. The car had a jesus fish on it, they had a McCain/Palin sign still suck in their yard and had a couple cement religious figures in their yard as well. It added up to them being crazy.

How does that happen? I’m not talking about becoming a jesus nazi. I am talking about how people get the idea that when you live in a neighborhood publishing stuff like that to your front door is socially acceptable? Yeah, this from a dumbass posting pictures of his shit daily. How fucked up do you have to be to get criticized by that guy about the content you display to the world?

I live a couple blocks over and get the same amount of door-to-door salesmen—which is about 1 a month. No skin of my balls to be polite and say “No thank you” to a stranger who knocks on my door once every 30 days. Again, just a dick in general, I’m polite until you prove you need to be treated otherwise, and coming to my door asking me to buy whatever flavor of jesus your selling or some crappy product or service isn’t a punishable offense in my book. I simply say, “No thank you”.

That’s why I didn’t tell those uncivil fucks about their dome light. While I certainly hope some one eggs and tee pees them back to the stone ages and makes a habit of lighting bags of shit on their doorbellless stoop, I didn’t do it myself. I didn’t even give them a piece of my mind. All I did was quit being the nice guy and simply left cursing to myself about what dickbags lived there and how I hoped that the next morning they would be able to harness the blood of Jesus Christ to start their fucking car.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.