porkjerky plogFucking Shit
Baby, we’ve been together 6 wonderful years now. We know and love each others’ families. We click on so many levels. You have always been there for me and I have always been there for you. Now, I am a little nervous asking this, but I think our relationship has gotten to the point where we should be comfortable and open and honest with each other, so I am going to ask you a very special question. Honey, I want to take this relationship to the next level. That’s right. So please baby, will you make me the happiest woman in the world and let me take a big steaming shit on your face?
At what point in your relationship is it ok to and specifically how do you broach the subject of bringing shit into your sex life? Maybe it’s a gradual process of feeling your partner out.
First never flush the toilet after you crap. See how that goes over. Then maybe, let out a huge fart while getting pounded doggie-style and see if that causes any disgust. Next, start poking around your partner’s ass—always digging a little deeper to see how receptive they are. Then one day when things are hot and heavy, go for the gold and yank out a huge loaf from their ass and gobble it up.
Actually, now that I think about it I guess it would be best to get it out of the way on the first date, maybe even use that as a pickup line. Its upfront, it cuts through the bullshit and you don’t have to spend years of your life pretending to be interested in her scrapbooks, Pilates, knick-knack collecting or whatever else boring thing gives purpose to her life in the hope that one day your patience will pay off in being able to smear your own shit all over her tits and have her watch you clean it off.
You mention it in the 1st five minutes, she either slaps you and you’re evening just got freed up to whack off to 2 girls 1 cup for the 4,378th time or she’s into it and you just met your dream girl.
Or maybe its like Calculus. Both people in a relationship, at the same time and independent of each other, decide they want to try it. Just out of the blue.
Are we out of lettuce at home?
Yeah, and we need more milk and dog treats. That reminds me, did you ever call about setting up an appointment to get Buster groomed?
Kind of, all I got was the voice mail at the….Hey you know what, how about next time we fuck I bend you over, stick both my index fingers in your ass, slowly open your anus and you shit all over me?
You know, I was just thinking the exact same thing. What a co-inky-dink. Then like once its on you I can take my dick and smear it all over you then beat off and jizz on your eyelids.
Nice, then I will rock back aim my pelvis toward the ceiling, spray a fountain of piss in the air and have it cascade down on both of us. And sandwich bags. I think we are almost out at home. I’m going to start taking my lunch to work more this week.
Yeah, me too. And the Ziploc kind, not the fold over kind—I hate those.
No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.
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