porkjerky plogArchive for February, 2009
Bigger Buttholes For All
How far along did the Human Genome Project advance our ability to play god? Can they actually do anything with it yet, or is it like a read only CD? Can they make changes or do they just know what’s gonna happen based on DNA with no ability to modify it like they want? I […]
Ivory Soap Is Worse Than Shit
My shitter at home is sweet, with a capital everything. If I leave the door open when I crap (and really, if you have nothing to hide, love america and aren’t a terrorist, then you should) I can see the TV. Fuck reading, I can crap to Judge Judy. Today’s turd though, meant business. No […]
Single Mother=Shitty Fucker
Continuing on from yesterday’s theme and tomorrow’s holiday… You know who I feel bad for this time of year—single mothers. Have you ever meet one? If your not sure the answer is no—because those cunts are proud of the term and drop it every chance they get. Never have I been in a situation that […]
#2 (as in ‘shit’) Winning Blog #2 (as in ‘second’)
It with great pride and regret I announce the second receipent of my ‘Whenever The Fuck I Feel Like It Shitty Blog Award’. Once you read the title you will know that it is, without a doubt, deserving of this award. However, I will still drone on afterward belaboring my case. And the winner is: […]
Best Friends Forever
Here’s a picture of me with my new best friend: Edwin Von Fecalton. Tell you what–we weren’t friends at first, in fact we had quite a disagreement. He wouldn’t budge, I wouldn’t budge. So there we sat for at least half an hour. Finally, after we warmed up to each other and realized that the […]
Shitonyms
Fuck rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens. These are a few of my favorite things: poop turds shit crap dung guano doo doo duke feces excrement droppings manure ordure stool poo poo deuce #2 crapola diarrhea doodie ass bum butt derriere tush rump bottom posterior patootie rear gluteus maximus duff fanny […]
Shitless Rats, With Cute Tails
I just thought of another exotic animal like the Inebriated North American Vagrant that possible may not shit—the squirrel. Medical Fact: Those bastards are everywhere. Medical Fact: No one has ever seen a squirrel crap. Medical Fact: No one has ever encountered or stepped in a pile of squirrel shit. So maybe homeless and squirrels […]
Homeless=Poopless?
Do they crap in their Tallboy bags when they are done? Do they hold it until they either get arrested or stumble back to the shelter? Do they eat it for sustenance? Amazingly homeless have little shame. I have seen tons of them piss: In business doorways, alleys, themselves, standing underneath their bridges, behind bushes, […]
Life’s Most Important Question
Happy birthday to me; not you Gilbert. To me. So, what did you get me? I got you something—and its kick ass awesome. On this soon to be national holiday, I have decided to give the ultimate gift to the world. No, not my life on a cross so the gates of heaven will open […]
How Much Crap Could A Crapper Crap…
Let’s do some back of the toilet paper roll math: To give myself a margin of error, lets say I reached shitting maturity at age 10. All other turds before that will not be included. This will ensure all the numbers derived below are fairly accurate, and most likely underestimates. OK, here goes. Tomorrow I […]
