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Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

Ivory Soap Is Worse Than Shit

My shitter at home is sweet, with a capital everything. If I leave the door open when I crap (and really, if you have nothing to hide, love america and aren’t a terrorist, then you should) I can see the TV. Fuck reading, I can crap to Judge Judy.

Today’s turd though, meant business. No time to grab the remote, light some candles, put on some Michael Bolton and set the mood right for taking a huge greasy crap. My ass was 2 inches from the seat when the turd started kicking and I began to dilate. Worse still, there was nothing within arm’s reach to read.

Except for an Ivory Soap Bar. Pardon my French, but what a load of shit. These self-righteous, retarded marketing assfucks make my prostate bulge. I would tell you to pick up a bar of Ivory soap and read it to see what I mean, but you don’t have to. The bullshit they have been spouting is so ingrained in our minds that you know what I am talking about, although you never thought about it.

What 2 things have Ivory soap drilled into us?

    It’s so pure it floats.

    It’s 99.44% pure.

Just apply a little logic to those statements and you will see that they are both absurd and even counter productive.

‘So pure it floats’? Ok, you know I have Ivory soap in my bathroom. Do you know of anything else in my bathroom that floats? And would comparing Ivory soap to it be a good thing?

And, 99.44% pure what? Does ‘pure’ automatically mean ‘good’ in marketing bullshit world? Guess what you MBA cocksucker, the deposit I just made into the toilet is 100% pure shit.

So, using their own logic, lets complete the proof:

Ivory Soap (99.44%) is worse than shit (100%).

Q.E.D.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.