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Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

Wide Load

As I pinched off today’s loaf, I was watching another boring Discovery Channel documentary on some animal that did something that everyone knows about. Something like the male emperor penguin incubates the egg or male salmon get all ugly when they swim up stream or crocodiles can run fast or Tyra Banks is a crazy bitch. Something that’s been in so many documentaries that its common knowledge. Watching them just aren’t worth my time any more.

I’d like to see them combine animal documentaries with another documentary they do a ton of: fat people. No more liposuction, gastric bypass, fat roll removal surgeries, though. I want one that captures them in their natural environment, how they manage day to day. Enlighten us on something we all want to know about them. Like for example, how do they shit?

I mean a super fat ass has got to be tough to crap out of. Its gotta take a ton of time to get it balanced on the seat for one. For another you have to make sure their cheeks are spread adequately to allow enough room for turd passage, otherwise they’d just be shitting on their own ass–walking around with a dook lodged in their flesh vise of an ass.

And what about wiping? Fuck almighty, that’s gotta be a good half hour right there. I have seem some fatties and can’t imagine them being able to get there with their arms. Do they sell extension tools of some sort?

Or maybe they train a monkey or a dog to do it. But I can’t imagine PETA letting that fly.

Come on Discovery channel. Kimodo dragons and polar bears are played out. Document something we genuinely want to know about and can learn something from.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.