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Jesus In Piss Masterpieces They Ain't
But I Still Call It Art
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Some of my material may contain language or ideas that are offensive to you. If you have a hard time finding any that do offend you please write me at jason@porkjerky.com with the names and photos (.jpg or .gif format) of any or all of your dead loved ones or possibly a dearly loved living grandmother. I am more than happy to invent and illustrate a hilariously graphic scenario in which you and I, together, have deviant and brutal sex with them\her. Please enjoy the following and god bless.
Not all of my genius insights into life require 1000 words to express. So, I decided to make a page where I can throw up all my musings. For example, click above to enjoy my 126 word thesis of what to do to the genitals of people who use the phrase 'my musings'.
Great news: I just relieved the world of its need for worthless, art school flunkees who fill their rectums with paint, fart towards a canvas and pontificate about how what we see isn't their lack of talent but an exploration of the fragility of the human condition.
There I was in sensitivity training class, doodling swatiskas and daydreaming about subjugating those with different genders, races, ethnicities and sexual orientations than me. Unfortunately, some of the things the fat, middle-aged, asexual troll leading the class said got through to me. The resulting jokes are spectactular.
About 32 times a day, every day; in the full view of the world, the most beautiful thing humanity has ever created, gets its soul gang raped by that same humanity.
My trumped up biography, full of half-truths and cool embelishments that fuel my raging, well-deserved ego. Click above to view my story and fall in awe of my amazing feats that prove how much more better I am than you, although you probably don't deserve to. Man my dick is huge.
They were right, after September 11th, everything changed. Back was forward, forward was back, back went back to being back and people started puking and crapping american flags and yellow ribbons everywhere. Which, is just what those virgin-fucking terrorists wanted. Fuck that. In tribute and defiance of America and the terrorists respectively, or vice versally, I decided to not let them win. Every September 11th I am pulling porkjerky.com down and replacing it with this page. Hell just got a little hotter for you cocksucking hijackers didn't it?
Uglier than a retard on fire is more like it. Turns out any douchebag with a digital camera, a library card and 5 bucks a month for hosting can post pictures on the internet. What a truly enlightened and fulfilling age we are in. Listed below are all the pages of this section.
If I ever say any of those, on stage or off, please kill me and any offspring I have (and don't worry about the order in which you do it). The same goes for anytime I find the need to tell people how someone must have been smoking pot, how the government is messed up and anytime I want to tell an anecdote about just breaking up with my girlfriend or being pulled over by the police. But when I pick up a guitar or a puppet, just sit back and prepare for brillant hilarity. Below is some of the drivel I have performed on stage.
The real story (don't believe a thing that cocklicker says) of our rise and fall from comedy superstardom.
Fake request/advice letters I sent to the syndicated queen of sappy radio.
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