The World’s Most Beautiful Turd

I love people who complain about how things that have made life easier and better screwed up and worked just like they were suppose to. They get mad because a piece of technology that is programmed to respond in the exact same way every time, responded in the exact same way it does every time. […]

Black eyes, cigarette burns, broken bones, born addicted to crack, white supremacy tattoos: None of those come close to signaling that you're a horrible parent like having a fat kid.