porkjerky plogYou’re A Dumbshit
All Pooped Out
I have an absolutely irrational fear. Far more frightful than my fear of popular success. Luckily this ultimate fear of mine has a zero chance of happening. It still keeps me up at night though. I am totally terrified, even speaking about it makes me cringe, that somehow, someway something I say or do will […]
This Is Not A Test
Wake the fuck up. There’s cheap worthless shit you need to buy. Wake the fuck up. Jesus Christ are you a communist? Why do you hate America? Don’t let the terrorist continue to win, get out there and rationalize buying shit you don’t need by its price compared to what it was and will be. […]
Providence
Yesterday’s shitty blog made me realize that I love what slot machines represent. We use specific technologically advancements to exploit our general social stagnation. You ever hear a story about how ancient civilizations lived–some weird nonsensical practices they did and think ‘Why would they think the world works like that? What idiots.’ I don’t. I […]
I Don’t Need No Fancy Book Science
How many autistic people do you personally know? Excluding Jenny McCarthy’s son (which I am excluding not because I don’t personally know him, but because he’s cured – take that gluten), mine is 0. I’m guessing yours is within 1 of that. I’m not entirely convinced any exist. I think its just a euphemism doctors […]
The 500 Mile Per Hour Crap
I hate planes, but don’t have a fear to fly It’s the constant stream of fucks who pass by Couldn’t crap at the hub Now They’re joining the club Everyone wants to shit a mile high.
When Being Right Goes Wrong
I have been born with a curse: Objectivity. For some strange reason I can listen to people who seemingly disagree on a subject, understand their positions, see how they got there and agree with everyone. Even worse, I can take into account reality and apply it. It’s really sad sometimes; I don’t know why god […]
Anorexia Explained
Epiphany about anorexics: What if it hasn’t to do with diets, Getting grossly fat, Or any of that? Maybe those crazy cunts hate taking shits
Not Retarded Enough
Can retards recognize one another? And do they size one another up to see whose retardeder? Now, I’ve unfortunately meet a few retards. And I am talking grade A, USDA certified, literal retard not the everyday cut me off in traffic, blue tooth ear piece wearing, clove cigarette smoking figurative retards that permeate life. I […]
Justifiable Bludgeoning
Hey cunt: Open up your fucking purse, rifle through it to find your god damn pocket book, take it out, open it up to one of the many sections you tuck intricately folded currency into, either take out a bill larger than what you estimate your fucking purchase is going to be or start hunting […]
Teach Them Well And Let Them Lead The Way
Saw another member of the Tribal Arm Band Tattoo Tribe this weekend. Call me a romantic, but nothing, not even the most beautiful bride in the most beautiful wedding dress can ever come as close to being as attractive as a woman in a maternity cocktail waitress dress. I am certain ‘elastic’ is Latin for […]
