porkjerky plogShit I Crap On
Cat’s In The Cradle
Frank Caliendo is to Rich Little what the Second Gulf War is to Vietnam. And on behalf of my generation, I would like to apologize for that. In the mid 90’s I had a class where the teacher was talking about the Vietnam War and how he knew a bunch, a bunch of people who […]
Mirror, Mirror, Who’s The Shittiest Of Them All?
While releasing my poopbucks into the wild of Las Vegas, I took some time to smell its roses and unfortunately, saw all the turds they grew in. Vegas is and brings out the worst in people, all without them recognizing it. That’s a compliment by the way. I was watching the fountains at the Bellagio […]
The Turd That Wouldn’t Flush
Speaking of Snoopy and peanuts and people pouring out shitty drivel to the web, Charles Schulz’s comic was as worthless as the undigested legumes in my shit. Even from a young age I realized that there was nothing good in it. I mean, I probably, like most of the world, read over 2000 Peanuts comics […]
What A Load Of Tits
You know what I am tired of being made aware of? Breast cancer. Lord almighty, fuck. We get it. Breast cancer’s bad. Its caused more deaths than everything else combined. 13 out of 10 women over the age of 40 will die from it at least once in their lives. We need to give a […]
Fuck Empathy
What’s your blood type? Because I think I need an empathy transfusion. Maybe the gland in my body responsible for producing and regulating it is out of whack. Perhaps those years of violent sodomy at the abusive orphanage I was raised did effect me. Or maybe, just maybe, hear me out on this, maybe its […]
The Nomenclature Of Lovemaking
Kids today. They just throw out terms to be cool. Misusing them however they feel. For ‘shock value’ if you will. They have no regard for the historical context and underlying tomes of how and why certain phrases were introduced into the lexicon. Certain phrases were first coined so that specific feelings, ideas and actions […]
Baby, I Know You Only Lie And Hit Me Because You Love Me
Now I know what a battered wife feels like. I’m hurt, pissed, vengeful and above all, I’ve fallen deeper in love with them the shittier they treat me. A few weeks ago I mailed (via the U.S. Post Office–we really need a better term than ‘snail mail’ for this) about 35 letters offering various educational […]
Happy 9/11 Eve
There’s no such thing as an innocent victim in America. It’s right there in the fine print of your social contract. Now notice I am using the phrase ’in theory’ in the next sentence, so don’t get your big, Liberterian hemp panties in a bunch. In theory, America is a democracy. ‘Of the people […]
The Death Of Capitalism
We are getting close to the commemoration of the travesty that happened to the American way of life in September 2001. No not that one, the real one. It was after the planes hit on September 11th, it was when every gas station jacked up their prices immediately and started charging 4 dollars more per […]
Band Of Idiots
They are everywhere. You won’t find them discussed in history books, though. Or protesting a professional sports team whose mascot demeans them. And anthropologists haven’t found any of their ancient abodes to dig through to study. Nor are they are entitled to open a casino on their native lands because they aren’t listed as one […]
