porkjerky plogI Am A Genius
Writing This Post About Writing This Post
Guess what dickshafts, I am trumping your boring pathetic blog posts about your boring pathetic lives. All you fucks who have ever blogged about essentially nothing, I am going to show you how it’s done. Right now I am writing this blog post. How fucking riveting is that? A blog post about writing this blog […]
Best Almost Limerick Ever
I once wrote this great limerick not about shit, Self referencing, self alluding and full of wit; Something something something Blah blah blah; But then it fell apart in the middle and I noticed that the first two lines were neither the same nor the correct amount of syllables and the […]
Douchebag Insurance
One of my absolute fears in life is not burning enough bridges. Being polite, holding back and not telling people to suck my dick. Figuratively that is, when I tell people to suck my dick it’s a lot more eloquent, personalized, insightful and mean than those 3 words. I cringe everytime I miss an opportunity […]
MBA Here I Come
My motivation in life to do something is a function of how retarded people will think I am for doing it, how easy it is and the satisfaction I would get from the range of outcomes it produces. The more stupid an idea, the less I have to work to achieve it and the more […]
Mobius Shit
I think I crapped an M.C. Escher. What a paradoxical poop. There’s no end and no beginning. How did that shit come out my butt and end up like that? There’s no rational explanation. Its like 2 hands drawing another. Except with poop instead of hands. Or the physically impossible waterfall. Except with turds instead […]
Bumpercrop of Failure
Where’s Willie Nelson when you need him? Throw me a concert, sing me a song, pay your taxes so I can get FEMA to declare my toilet bowl farmland a disaster area and get one of those sweet New Orleans type nonpaybackable loans. What I am trying to say is that my dream of growing […]
Toilet Garden, Day 3
8:03 a.m. Good morning world. What’s that? Oh yes, the sweet smell of genius and success coming from my bathroom. My Shitty Garden is in bloom. Good morning little seeds. Take your time, I’m in no hurry. Sprout when you feel like it. 10:47 a.m. Initial exuberance from being such […]
Operation Shitty Garden
Most of you astute observers have instantly recognized the poop in this picture as one I initially crapped out 2 days ago; albeit a little less fresh. Now, I’m not trying to short change all you poop aficionados a picture, but operation ‘Shitty Garden’ is in effect. Get fucking ready to fucking have your fucking […]
A Foreshadowing Crap
Here’s an email of mine that went out to a bunch of experts on the subject: Hello, my name is Jason and I want to see if I can grow a flower or fruit bearing plant in one of my functioning toilets. After researching farming techniques, I have learned that technically this will not be […]
