porkjerky plogAward Winning Worthlessness
I’ve explained the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man Shitty Blog Theory before: if you can imagine a shitty blog—it’s already been created. Here’s a quick example off the top of my head: a blog about vegan pets. It’s so shitty I am certain something like it exists.
And 15 seconds later, I found that it does: The Vegan Dog Blog. Someone call the ASPCA and tell me how awesome I am.
Pretty fucking awesome, sir.
Its like a cruel game you can play with yourself in between punching yourself in the nuts and touching your eyeball with a hot sauce covered finger. All you do is imagine something you would hate to exist, and it already does in blog form. With that said, the blog that won today’s Whenever I Feel Like Giving It Out Porkjerky.com Shitty Blog Award, is shitty in a way I didn’t even see coming.
I started off by wondering if I could find a blog about someone on their quest to get an associates degree. Those people are always good for a head shaking chuckle.
Have you ever meet someone gung-ho about junior college? It’s entertainingly sad, like meeting a 13 year old who want’s to grow up to be a CPA or the fat ugly girl in high school who puts in the yearbook that her goal is to have 6 kids by the age of 25 or watching a super sloppy drunk stripper fall out of her stilettos, break an ankle and crack her head into the pole. Entertainingly sad, in the right dose that is. Too much and it just makes you want to mercy kill them.
Unfortunately, I have meet many associate degree seeking go-getters in my life. They have all the passion and drive of a motivational speaker, with the talent and aptitude of a chiveless Wendy’s Baked Potato. If you have never seen someone so determinedly focused on pursuing such low hanging fruit, you really need to get to the local community college and shadow the president of their student union. I guarantee you it will be more entertaining than any car wreck or misbehaving child getting assaulted in public you have ever seen.
Unfortunately, I didn’t find that blog. I found the Online Associates Degree Blog which took a shitty idea (blogging) and multiplied it by itself. Its shitty squared. I don’t know how I missed it. It so simple, so shitty, so void of any value: I can’t believe it didn’t cross my mind that a blog like this would exist until I saw it.
It makes perfect sense now. It’s a blog aggregator. It steals posts from other blogs and creates posts on itself based on those outside posts. It’s essentially a blog echo. Or regurgitater. Or maybe a blog leech. No wait, I got it. Its like a parasite that feeds off the shit of its own species.
Like a news aggregator blog, it searches the internet for content to steal and make posts from. However, instead of stealing from news sites or the AP feed, it steals from other blogs. Righteous.
Congratulations Online Associates Degree Blog, you win a Porkjerky.com Whenever I Feel Like Giving It Shitty Blog Award. You truly add nothing of value to the internet. If only somehow it could find itself. Then it would form a blogging black hole—just constantly finding its own posts and reposting them as new posts until the gravitational pull of its own bullshit existence collapse in upon itself.
Oh well, a boy can dream.
No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.
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