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The Porn Paradox

After writing yesterday’s post and rewarding myself by whacking off to girls cleaning toilet seats with their tongues, I realized The Stay Puff Marshmallow Theory of Shitty Blogs applies to pornography. Any type of pornography you can imagine, no matter how nonsensical, counter-intuitive, oxymoronic or just plain retarded, is a valid type of pornography.

I call it the Porn Paradox:

There is no ludicrous type of porn.

‘Cow Raping Porn’, ‘Dead Haitian Porn’, ‘Trombone Player Porn’, ‘Oatmeal Porn’. Guys/gals exist who get boners for one or more of those.

There is no ipso facto ludicrous porn. Any type of pornography you can articulate is in fact an actual valid type of pornography someone uses to sexually gratify themselves. No matter how creatively outlandish nor unbelievably imaginative you are, you can not describe any type of pornography that will immediately be recognized as farcical nor satirical.

The internet has conditioned us, and rightfully so, to believe that it is possible that images of what you just described exists and people get aroused by said images. Try it for yourself. Think of some obviously outlandish pornography and google it. You should and should not be surprised by the results. The type of pornography you seemingly just invented in your head, already exists in the internet ether. And worse.

Let me explain. You shouldn’t be surprised that what you googled does in fact exists, but if you dig further and actually look at the images you will be surprised at how far down the rabbit hole you fell.

Yesterday, to find a shitty blog, I googled ‘toilet porn’. Like you, what immediately came to my mind is chicks getting pissed on, doing some peeing themselves, 2 girls one cup, maybe some buttsex or girls getting nailed while on the shitter. And I wasn’t surprised when I found a ton of what I expected to find.

However, I was surprised at what else I found—chicks licking toilets. And it wasn’t an isolated picture, it’s an entire genre of pornography. That never crossed my mind. Sure as shit though its crossed other peoples minds because its out there. Toilet licking porn can not be used as a hyperbole for pornography, because it in fact exists. Pornography is beyond satire. You just can’t do it.

It even works a level up. I call it The Self-Fulfilling Porn Paradox Corollary:

By proxy, any porn that arouses no one; arouses someone by the mere idea that no one is aroused by it.

Suppose for arguments sake there is a type of pornography absolutely no one is aroused by. I bet you, there’s some sick fuck out there that gets off on pornography that no one else likes. Maybe not on the pornography itself, but he’s turned on by the fact that in the whole world only he is turned on by it.

Pornography is beyond hyperbole, its unsatireable.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.