• Home
• About
• Advertise
Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

Poop Bucks Splashdown

I think its been over 3 weeks since I brought this up, and since you’re not anywhere near being a fucking genius you probably need constant reminding so that you continue to retain this thought in that feeble brain of yours.

So here it is: I’m a fucking genius.

This instance of my geniusocitinessish is on par with my honorary MBA, my toilet garden, how I unregistered to vote and the time I got my retarded cousin to drink his own pee and then ask for some of mine.

This one is nouveau retro-cool.

Sunday night, I get my change back from the Wal-Mart cashier and one of the bills is stamped with wheresgeorge.com. It’s so old and stupid I have to do it, like being able to fuck the homecoming queen at your 10 year high school reunion. Sure, now she has 5 kids, weighs 320 pounds and that cute beauty mark from yesteryear has turned into a hairy wart, but that’s what makes it so stupidly awesome that you have to do it.

I get home log that dollar bill and all the others I have—and Eureka, inspiration strikes. I take one of the previously unrecorded bills, record it, fold it, pack it in a balloon, dip it in olive oil and swallow it like a heroin mule. I anxiously wait 24 hours and voila, George just took a trip he regrets.

But wait, don’t call yet, there’s more.

I dug through my toilet, retreived the balloons, got the dollars out, sanitized my hands by quickly patting them on my jeans and I am heading for Vegas to return those bills back into their natural habitat–skanky strippers’ g-strings and video poker machines.

True fucking story. All those colored pieces in the toilet bowl are balloon covered dollars.

So Charlie, if you’re one of the select few to find a golden ticket, rush straight home, wake up Grandpa Joe and log it into the url that appears on it. But don’t you dare let Slugworth get it. And remember, those dollars are like large mouth bass on a sunday morning fishing show. Don’t eat them. Don’t mount them and put them in your office. Catch and release. If you are lucky enough to come across a dollar that has come out my asshole, please keep it circulating. George would have wanted it that way.

Pay it forward.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.