porkjerky plogDo You Like Pina Coladas?
Fuck you and your intellectual uppitiness. I unapologetically and without embarrassment love reality TV shows. Double fuck you to all you pretentious fucks who claim to not watch TV at all. I even love the obviously scripted reality shows—I can suspend my disbelief like nobody’s business.
There’s something about knowing that people’s actions don’t exist in a vacuum on a Hollywood sound stage. That the actions of others that I entertain myself with have occurred within the context of someone’s life and will follow them is awesome.
That is why I absolutely love divorce blogs. For some god damn reason, the people involved couldn’t keep their embarrassing, crazy, retarded life events to themselves, they just had to share it with the world. God bless them. All the stories people tell on them didn’t get drafted in a writer’s room, story-boarded by a director and rehearsed by actors. They actually occurred to real people and have real life ramifications.
Michelle’s Divorce Blog starts in December 2007; her story of how she met her ex-husband starts in late 1998. They were dating in February 1999, living together by March of that year, married in October 2000 and tried to get pregnant immediately. Like a lot of people, god thought that wasn’t a great idea. Like a lot of people, they told god he could suck their dicks and had fertility treatments that eventually lead to her giving birth November of 2002. She claims trouble started in November 2003 eventually leading to their divorce in June 2008.
That was her first kid, his 4th. It was her first failed marriage, his 3rd. He’s currently married to wife #4, while engaged to be married to wife #5, who he took back only after she went to rehab. That one’s gonna make it, though. I can feel it. Nobody can stop true love.
That blog is chock full of awesomeness. The time she stalked the chick he was trying to bang via MySpace, the updates of him being a dead beat dad, how her Match.com relationship didn’t pan out, the time she left him because he bailed some skank out of jail on Christmas eve.
The absolute best is when she found out that he signed up for hornymatches.com trying to get some pussy. So, she signed up herself and contacted him. She essentially says that she does like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain, that she’s the lady he’s looked for, he should write to her and escape. He takes the bait, they decided to meet up at a hotel where she busts him and kicks him out…
…Only to take him back. God I love real life, especially when it’s ripped from a Rupert Holmes song.
No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.
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