• Home
• About
• Advertise
Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

My Honorary MBA

My honorary MBA campaign was a huge fucking success. Oh wait, let me rephrase that. As us with MBA’s say—my ambitious pursuance of an exalted academic objective flourished beyond my initial eminent aspirations.

Hell fuck yeah.

First and penultimately, I got the 3rd ranked MBA school in the 2009 Us News and World Reports Business school rankings, Wharton, to lie to me. Then, they ignored me when I sent evidence exposing their lies.

Second, I was able to get my name into the long bureaucratic process at the University of Maryland University College (shit you not, that’s their actual name) to be considered for an honorary degree. It probably won’t be resolved until next April, but my names working its way through.

Third, I blew the lady’s mind at my alma matter by telling her I wanted an honorary degree. Never in her decades of working in the educational field had she ever heard of such a request, she explained what honorary degrees really were, how people traditionally were nominated for them, and how empty it would be for me. I told her she made a great salesman and now I wanted 2 honorary degrees. She reluctantly agreed to pass my request up the line if I insisted.

I insisted.

Hopefully I will have an MBA from them by Christmas or better yet, they will revoke the undergraduate degrees (yes, plural, you read that right.) they already conferred upon me.

And fourth and foremost, I got my MBA. The president of The Ohio College Of Clowning Arts got my letter, replied that he thought I was either an idiot or a savant and wanted to know what my objective with this thing was so he could determine which. I told him I sent that letter to prestigious business schools, educational institutions that didn’t offer graduate courses and organizations like his that obviously had nothing to do with classic academics. I said that I was certain to not get any response, much less an honorary degree from the self-proclaimed authoritative business schools, but had hoped that I could talk my way into getting a community or vocational college to offer me some sort of honorary MBA. Finally, I stated that his organization would be the dream though. An MBA from The Ohio College Of Clowning Arts would truly be the ultimate reflection of how I view MBA’s.

He obliged.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.