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Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

Justifiable Bludgeoning

Hey cunt: Open up your fucking purse, rifle through it to find your god damn pocket book, take it out, open it up to one of the many sections you tuck intricately folded currency into, either take out a bill larger than what you estimate your fucking purchase is going to be or start hunting for multiple bills that will accomplish the same thing, then open the fucking pocket that has your change and start thinking about the various permutations of coins that you might need to complete your transaction.

No, no, don’t do all that now. Wait until the absolute last second and then wait a little longer. Don’t even think about touching your purse until the cashier has finished scanning, bagging and explicitly tells you the amount you owe. And then don’t take her word for it. Peer at the monitor to verify her claim. Lean in closer, squint, repeat the amount in a questioning manner and make her confirm it.

Above all, take your time. Make sure you get this right.

Then verify that the amount seems right for the items you purchased. Now, you could have been doing this item by item while she was scanning shit and you were peering off into space not preparing to pay, but now’s a good time too. Don’t be afraid to question her or ask what the prices were for individual items despite the fact it’s up there on the monitor for all to see. Take your time, don’t rush into this.

Ok, she just verified that the amount she first said, the amount in big numbers on the monitor and the amount you restated in a questioning manner is in fact the amount your items cost. Give it a second. Let it sink in.

Ok, I see the light bulb clicking on. One and one are coming together to make two. Watershed moment in 3….2….1…

There you go. You get it now.

That’s right you stupid motherfucking cunt, you are going to have to pay. Who fucking knew? There was absolutely no way to neither foresee this moment nor plan for it. It has taken us all by surprise.

Good, good. Let it sink in for a moment or two. Ok, now. Now is the time to start the long task of hunting down money in your purse. Perfect. It was well worth the wait. Be sure to use as many pennies and single dollar bills as possible and to count them out painfully slow. Maybe drop a couple or lose your place so you have to start over.

Hopefully, as you dig in that jungle of a purse of yours you will find an expired coupon you have and can engage the cashier in a discussion of if she can accept it or not. With any luck you will escalate that conversation to her supervisor, up to the assistant manager all the way to the store manager until you get the answer you want about those 15 cents.

No. No problem at all.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.