porkjerky plogArchive for September, 2009
Think Of, And Stalk, The Children
One one hand, as a fan of all things legal and immoral, I totally love The Celebrity Baby Blog. On the other hand….no, wait. There’s no other hand, The Celebrity Baby Blog is awesome through and through. It quite literally is based on the idea that you can exploit children for a dollar. And not […]
Viva The Revolution
2 weeks ago we made Blogger our bitch and brought her to her knees when everyone in the world registered for and got an account and just posted: If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em;then drown the motherfuckers in their own piss. Now we are attacking Twitter. Sign up for an account and just tweet: […]
Felatio Philosophy
Which do you think is greater, the number of people who have never been on either end of a blow job or the number of people who have been on both ends of a blow job? If you could only be in one group or the other, which one would you choose?
Absolute Yellow
I don’t mean to toot my own cock, but that’s some fine yellow peeing. It can’t get much yellower than that. Can it? Sounds like another science experiment. I wonder if there is an upper bound to how yellow piss can be. There’s an absolute zero, there’s terminal velocity and nothing can travel faster than […]
Pathetic Revenge Made Easy
This is why the internet rocks my balls off. No longer do you have to go through the trouble of owning or taking by gunpoint a mass media outlet if you want to smear someone’s name. Our lives have become so efficient, so advanced that within seconds, from our own homes, we can take our […]
The Art Of Shitty Art
Some of my favorite pieces of art are in office buildings. You know those abstract paintings with non-threatening patterns, safe color schemes and void of anything remotely inspiring. The paintings whose sole purposes are to break up the drabness of a melancholy office wall with a different kind of drabness in a non-descript frame. They […]
What Would Jesus Wipe With?
If some shady archaeologist offers to sell you a shit stained papyrus and tells you Jesus wiped his ass with it, it’s a scam. There is no T.P. of Turin. In researching my latest doctoral thesis du jour, this one covering wiping our assholes, I came to learn that we didn’t always use toilet paper. […]
Confessions Of An Asswiper
I have a horrible, horrible confession to make. For the first 2 to 3 years of my life, I didn’t use toilet paper. At all. I was totally aloof. No clue. Didn’t even cross my mind. In fact, I didn’t do much at all when it came to shitting, except the shitting part. When I […]
Pull The Plug
It always makes my vulva throb whenever I am watching the T.V. news and the cocksuckers refer me to their web site to get information necessary to the sound bite they just read. Like when they tell me I should call a government department or visit a certain organization’s web site for more information and […]
Justifiable Bludgeoning
Hey cunt: Open up your fucking purse, rifle through it to find your god damn pocket book, take it out, open it up to one of the many sections you tuck intricately folded currency into, either take out a bill larger than what you estimate your fucking purchase is going to be or start hunting […]
