Extra Sensory Poo

Hi, my name is Jason and I was interested in your services. Specifically, I believe the technical term for what I need done is tassology-fortune telling by interpreting patterns.

I know this is traditionally done with tea and some cases wine or coffee sediment, but my situation is somewhat unique. What I need done is similar to those methods in that it deals with seemingly random residue and my subtle, karmic influence over it. But its not traditional residue.

I believe my feces contains a message. Specifically the bowel movement I had on 8/12/2009. I have shown it to all my friends, family and coworkers, all of whom have confirmed my initial interpretation of it being an arrow.

From there, there is great disagreement as to what it specifically means, so I decided to seek the advice of an expert, you. I have attached an image of it to this email and would be more than happy to provide you with any information (height/weight/birthdate/social security number/mother’s maiden name etc.) that you need to do this reading. I also have a higher resolution image of it that would allow you to see the feces in finer detail as well as images of all the bowel movements I have had since.

With the economy as it is, many of my family members getting on in age and a new school year getting ready to start, I just want to make sure I don’t miss anything that the universe is trying to tell me.

Thank you,

Jason Curless