porkjerky plogGet Off Your Ass, Science
Horrible horrible news everyone. When science pulls bullshit like this, its no wonder people turn to the bible for knowledge.
It’s 2009, we have mapped every strain of a human’s DNA, they can clone any fucking animal you want and Maury can swab the cheeks of 15 guys who gangbanged a tramp and determine which one is the father of her little bastard, but science is incapable of telling me which dog shit in my yard?
Fuck you. I wrote to about 25 god damn DNA testing services advertising online and of the 15 or so who responded, not one said they could help me out.
Science has turned into the 42 year old fat, balding, pot-bellied loser who was the star quarterback for his high school—always living and talking about the glory days. Sure he’s on disability now and drinks his weight in Natural Light every week, but god damn if he couldn’t throw a tight spiral when he was 18 and he’s not afraid to tell you about it.
Repeatedly.
Well guess what, science? We are tired about hearing about how you gave us Tang and almost ended polio–that was 50 fucking years ago. Get off your ass and give us something we can use for today’s problems.
Hi, my name is Jason and I live in an area heavily populated by goddamn dog walkers. Them and their filthy hounds always jaywalking in traffic, always in the way, always walking in my yard, and always, always, always letting their dogs shit in my yard–and I am sick of it. The local authorities were virtually no help. They reluctantly told me that I technically could file a report and seek damages against any god damn pet owner who let their filthy mutt crap in my yard, but I they made it pretty clear that it wouldn’t be a high priority to them and I probably wouldn’t have any luck unless I had mountain of hard evidence.
Well guess what you fat ass cops? I am going to get that mountain of hard evidence and make you do your goddamn jobs.
have already installed a hidden, motion activated video camera to cover the area of my yard most often crapped on and would like to know more about your DNA matching services to undeniably identify and prove which dog crapped on my yard.
So, is that possible? If I provide you with a dog turd and about 10 tissue/hair samples from dogs in my area (don’t ask how I got them, but I got them) will you be able to tell which one that turd came from? Then finally I can show those inconsiderate puppyfuckers that I am quite literally not going to take their shit any more.
Thank you,
Jason
No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.
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