porkjerky plogMore Shitty Blog Awards
Now, I may be misremembering my teenage years, but I am pretty confident that at 16 I didn’t need to learn how to not fuck. I had that down to a fucking science, so to speak. And I was good at it too. Everywhere I went, I wasn’t fucking.
But it wasn’t for lack of not trying. While I was constantly busting my ass to not not fuck, much to my dismay, I didn’t. Like any normal person, I would have not, not fucked anything that would’ve let me. So, it is with great bewilderment that I split my Third Whenever I Feel Like Passing It Out Shitty Blog Award and bestow it upon both Abstinence Is Sexy Blog and The Abstinence Clearinghouse Blog.
They are both blogs about abstinence, but oh so differently shitty. It was extremely close and hard to judge this one, so I named them both winners. The The Abstinence Clearinghouse Blog was trailing until I noticed that the majority of its posts were authored by a user named HotMama247. Too god damn delicious. If only she could have snuck in ‘69’ or made a reference to her bust size in her user name as well.
Besides that, what makes The Abstinence Clearinghouse Blog shitty is that it looks, feels and actually is part of a lobbying effort. Their aim isn’t really to get kids to stop or not start fucking, it’s a level higher than that. Their aim seems to be more about persuading various organizations to allocate resources to encouraging abstinence. Pretty disgusting. They’re essentially a middle man in the abstinence industry (yeah, wrap your cock around that phrase for awhile).
Like most cause related non-profits (which they proudly mention in many instances)—they took their ideals, buttfucked the shit out of them and now are actually a big business built around that cause (i.e. Breast Cancer Awareness, NRA, MADD, Hunger Ending Programs, etc.). Then, like most businesses today, they jumped on the marketing bandwagon and started a blog because some MBA fuck decided it would make their corporate empire seem more personable.
The whole idea of it just makes my rectum heave. I just feel dirty thinking about their organization. Their blog is shitty for the wrong reasons.
The Abstinence Is Sexy Blog, however, is shitty for the right reasons. It’s just perfectly crappy. There’s no ulterior motive, no 501(c)3 pseudo-charity behind it, just some lady who stopped fucking and spreading her message about not spreading your legs.
The Abstinence Is Sexy Blog is shitty like most blogs today are shitty. Full of drivel, sparsely informational and trying to make a buck off all of it. That’s right; the first thing you see underneath the title of the blog on the page are Google Ads. God bless capitalism. That blog actually whores out abstinence to make a buck.
Best of all, as you’ve probably figured, is the name: ‘Abstinence is Sexy’. That is just awesome squared. The blog took the old adage, ‘Sex Sells’ and actually tried to apply it to abstinence. That blog is operating on a higher plane.
So congratulations to The Abstinence Clearinghouse Blog and Abstinence Is Sexy Blog, you are now both proud recipients of my Whenever I Feel Like Awarding It, Shitty Blog Award.
No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.
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