porkjerky plogScary Shit
You know what scares the shit out of me? What keeps me up at night? The thing that wakes me up in a cold sweat? Its dying in the most horrible way imaginable: getting hit by a train.
Oh man, that’s some scary shit. That has got to be the worst way to go. Drowning, burning to death, Chinese water tortured, bleeding to death from paper cuts, being fucked to death by a horse, all those have nothing on getting your ass run over by a train.
The death itself would be pretty painless. I mean one second your alive, the next your brains are painting some engineer’s coveralls. That wouldn’t be too bad.
The horrible, terrifying part, the absolutely bone-chilling, white-knuckle, frightening part is when the local news catches wind and shows up with their cameras to film how your dumbass ate it. Jesus, that’s just scary. Gives me shivers thinking about it: Your friends, your family, all your co-workers and everyone you know finds out you’re a fucking idiot.
Absolutely horrifying.
I mean, you’re familiar with how trains operate, aren’t you? The don’t fall out of the sky from nowhere and crush people to smithereens. The don’t travel an indiscriminate path across America, recklessly looking for prey. No, its pretty easy to spot and avoid getting hit by them. In fact, you pretty much have to try to get hit by them.
The run on fucking tracks. Big lights flash when they are near. They make a ton of sound. In most places, barricades come down and prevent people from driving across their tracks when a one is approaching. Even when that doesn’t occur, they are pretty fucking easy to spot.
That’s why, every time I drive across railroad tracks I look left, then right, then left again and then tear ass across. God, I’d hate to have my life reduced to a roadside cross beside a railroad crossing for all to see what an idiotfuck I was. However, if you know of some one like that, let me know, we can warn and entertain others with their story.
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