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Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

How Much Crap Could A Crapper Crap…

Let’s do some back of the toilet paper roll math:

To give myself a margin of error, lets say I reached shitting maturity at age 10. All other turds before that will not be included. This will ensure all the numbers derived below are fairly accurate, and most likely underestimates. OK, here goes.

Tomorrow I turn 35. That’s 25 years, a quarter century of crapping. From 25 years ago (2/6/1984) to tomorrow (2/6/2009) there will have been 9132 days (25*365 + 7 leap). Figure a crap a day at a conservative 8 inches long by 1.5 inches in diameter each and we get:

1.15 Miles Of Shit If Laid End To End

559.1 Gallons Of Crap Out My Pooper

Then deduce that since shit sometimes floats and sometimes sinks its slightly less dense than water and you can figure that:

1.99 Tons Of Turds Have Gone Through My Tushy

Ha and that cocksucker high school english teacher said I would never accomplish anything in my life. He’s looking pretty fucking stupid right about now.

Also, if I averaged 6 minutes per crap for the time period, then I’ve shitted away about 5 weeks of the last 25 years pushing poop out my butt.

Lastly, if you were to take all that crap, mix it together, roll it into one big ball, then well, you’d just be a sick fuck.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.