porkjerky plogArchive for February, 2009
More Shitty Blog Awards
Now, I may be misremembering my teenage years, but I am pretty confident that at 16 I didn’t need to learn how to not fuck. I had that down to a fucking science, so to speak. And I was good at it too. Everywhere I went, I wasn’t fucking. But it wasn’t for lack of […]
Burn Your Asshole Shut
Continuing on with my scarred cock. Isn’t circumcision awesome? I mean really, my mom could have taken 9 seconds everyday out of her lazy whore life to properly clean me, but instead deemed it better to chop a piece of my dick off. I know what you are thinking and you couldn’t be more wrong. […]
Illogical Logic
As I was pounding out today’s loaf, I looked down and realized that my cock is an excellent case study in the sheer awesomeness of our government. First and foremost, I am not one of those idiots who think of myself a genius because I can point out logical flaws in the application of our […]
Scary Shit
You know what scares the shit out of me? What keeps me up at night? The thing that wakes me up in a cold sweat? Its dying in the most horrible way imaginable: getting hit by a train. Oh man, that’s some scary shit. That has got to be the worst way to go. Drowning, […]
World War #2
Happy Iwo Jima Flag Raising Day everyone. On this date 64 years ago America began another beautiful chapter to its life. Beautiful, as in shitty and disgustingly funny, like Ruby Ridge, or when a retard tries to do a somersault in gym class, goes over wrong, cracks his head on the floor and craps himself. […]
Rectum? It Damn Near Killed Me
Here’s a sentence that will blow your fucking mind: This crap scared the shit out of me. Yeah, wrap your feeble brain around that for a minute. Times up, onto the poop. I was fine until I grabbed the camera. From this side of it, it seemed like an average crap. Everything came out alright, […]
Don’t Order Yet, Here’s What Else You’ll Get
Ok, where was I? Oh yes. Affiliate marketing sucks shit. Actually, doesn’t any type of marketing suck shit? I mean that’s it, that’s your life? Selling shit. And technically, marketing isn’t even selling shit, its ‘creating awareness’ about shit. At least sleazy salesmen talk to humans. Marketers sit in offices at computers and think of […]
Scam I Am
If the web teaches us anything, well any 2 things, they are that whatever sick fucking disgusting, morally reprehensive crime against nature makes your dick hard—someone has already been filmed/photographed doing it; and the most important thing in the world is making money. Actually, judging by my nearly 3 million google results for ‘Fat Transexual […]
Shitstorm A Coming
Wait just a second. Nope, not yet. Not yet. Just a few moments more. Let’s fully digest this. Almost there, getting closer. Hold on just a little longer. Oh ok, here it comes. I think we are starting to understand the full gravity of this situation. And its not pretty. Let’s take just a second […]
Going To Kansas Shitty (Christ O’Fuck, That’s Witty)
God bless a shitty economy. As I was wandering the mean streets of Kansas City today, I was passed by 2 sewer workers. They turned on the flashing lights atop their truck, got out, unlocked the cover of the truck’s bed, pulled out 2 crowbars and a shiny black manhole cover. Then they went over […]
